Loving a narcissist is one of the most self-destructive things that you can do. They are masters at twisting reality to fit their narrative and when you love someone who lies as easily as they breathe, it can completely do your head in. They are so convincing that it is easy to doubt yourself and believe in the narrative they write. You know the one; they are the ultimate partner, they do everything, they are such a victim, you are just a big mean bully for standing up for yourself, you do everything wrong and make them act the way they do, etc. You get caught up in their manipulations because they have undermined you for so long that you have to wonder whether anything you think or feel or believe is even valid anymore. They hurt you repeatedly and then play the victim so well and so convincingly that you end up apologizing to them. You no longer trust yourself as this person has made you question yourself and your worth at every turn. They do this so convincingly and so thoroughly that you begin to accept that everything that goes wrong is your fault and every time you have a valid reaction to their behavior, they can turn around and act as if you betrayed them. They wind their manipulations around your heart and they twist around in your head until you are once again apologizing to them and soothing their fragile ego. And the messed up thing is; often you won’t even realize this is happening. That’s how freaking good they are.
This kind of partner is the most draining thing in your world because you never feel like you are doing enough. You are never good enough. Nothing is. And yet, they keep dangling the hope that things could be great if you could just change or be better then they would love you the way you need and deserve. The sad truth is this; they are not capable of loving you. They do not have the capacity. I am sorry, I truly am. It is heartbreaking to have to learn to accept this but you can survive this truth. You can get to the other side and thrive.
Leaving someone like this is one of the hardest things you could ever do. You go to war with yourself first. You must in order to break through all of the lies and really begin to see the behavior for the manipulation that it is. You have to learn to trust yourself again and that’s really hard when you have had this toxicity pouring into your heart for so long. You have lived within the narcissistic narrative for so long that it truly does feel like starting from scratch with the simple knowledge of the fact that your feelings are valid and justifiable. That you are ALLOWED to have boundaries and that caring about yourself is vital and necessary, not an attack on your partner or your relationship.
You have to start with these simple building blocks upon which you can begin to create a new story. One that is authentic and true for you, no longer a character cast in another’s warped narrative. In many ways, this will be the death of the you that you are now. It must be. The person who loves a narcissist believes their version of the narrative; that this is what love looks like, they believe this is what they deserve, they do not believe that are good enough or worthy of being loved for who they are. In that version, you are not worthy of setting boundaries, you must take care of everyone else at the expense of yourself, you are less than and that’s where the narcissist needs you to be. That’s where they can control you, that’s where they can own you, that’s where they keep you stuck in this toxic cycle that continues to break your spirit.
So fight for yourself! Fight like hell. Do the work that it takes to recognize this truth for yourself. In order to leave, in order to save yourself, you have to destroy that version of you. Destroy that version of you and step into the TRUTH, the truth that you are worthy, strong and lovable. Once you have reclaimed this essential truth of your existence, you will finally be FREE.
I promise this is possible. I have done it myself and I have helped many people do it for themselves. Call me today to get started on your journey to self-love.