Updated: Feb 21, 2021
I have had many conversations with women who are absolutely fierce, strong, incredible women and they are in love with men who are not treating them right. I am trained to hear themes and the one that is hitting me the hardest right now is this sense of their partners blaming them for having needs. They are being blamed and shamed for having normal human needs. The message is that they should be stronger, should be immune to feelings even when things are hard, should not have the audacity to expect that their partners will be there to hold us or help us. A relationship is supposed to be there for BOTH the good and bad, the hard times and the happy times, the joy and pain, but why does it constantly seem like it is one-sided?
Often, codependency underlies this imbalance due to one partner overfunctioning and the other being allowed to underfunction. Many people believe that codependency means a type of person who is a passive and acts as a doormat but that is a common misconception. It's often the codependent who takes care of everything and everyone around them while neglecting themselves. They struggle to recognize their wants/needs and to use their voice to ask for them. At their core, they believe they have to serve others and meet their needs in order to be worthy of love because they don't believe they are just by being themselves. In order to overcome this imbalance, they must heal from this place within so that they can expect more, they can truly receive what they deserve.
I am passionate about codependency because I have been in the same place and I did the work to heal to the place where I want to help others do the same. Will you love yourself enough to heal? Will you put yourself first enough to break your own heart if that’s what it takes? I can hope you find your belief in your worth. Because you are incredible and strong and your needs are justified. Don’t put your love of someone else over your love for yourself and if you have, start choosing differently today.